Never wasted time

In my twenty years, I have only had three boyfriends. I was never one of those girls who "dated" some boy in middle school, only to find him bland and overrated after a couple of weeks, with just a few awkward lunches under our belts and AOL Instant Messenger as our only means of communication. I hated that the aforementioned scenario was so common.

At an early age, I put a great deal of value in "love"--the word, its meaning, its application. Because of this, it bothered me so much to hear that word coming from the mouths of my naive 13- or 14-year-old peers, who thought its value was equal to that of the words "tree" or "restroom."

With all of that said, I've been in love twice.

My first was with someone two years my senior. I was 16. It began wonderfully enough, but by the end of it, my recollections more often than not included the words "ordeal," "burden" and you know the rest. It really should have ended much sooner than it did, but I was so intent on making it last, keeping us together, and trying to recapture whatever magic was left that I completely lost track of, well, my mind. Obviously, my attempts were futile, as we're now happily and perpetually separated. Which brings me to my next boyfriend.

With Hoan, things were very different. I'm not even sure if I should be talking about it here. But if I was to be completely and honestly true to myself, I would have to admit that he is the first guy I've ever found myself falling head-over-heels for. Is it silly to admit a thing like that? Maybe. I can't help it.

One of the reasons I love our relationship is that I find it to be extremely well-balanced. Any slight tipping of the metaphorical scale is quickly refuted with an open discussion, or just a straight up, "Let's fix this." I've never really been one for straightforwardness, but in his case, I'm making an exception. It definitely helps relationship-wise, which I'm sure is so blatantly obvious, but it took a lot of getting used to. Like I said, I'm not very straightforward. I can be very dodgy in trying to avoid conflicts. I'm also very secretive about my emotions. I'm also very passive. And I'm also getting used to not being this way anymore.

He's helping me.

Parallels

If I had acted on every single impulse I have ever felt, things would be so different.
Lately, I've been wondering what that other life would be like.

Also, God forbid I ever get texting on my phone. Seriously.

Crazy, really?

I don't really know what to say about the concept of "crazy ex-girlfriends." I mean, I know they exist (I'm pretty sure I was one), but not to the extent that boys make them out to be.

And I know what to blame that on--boys are extremely dense. Also, they can be a bit full of themselves. Which doesn't equate to logical thinking on their part.

So what if your ex-girlfriend wants to give you some stuff back? Some people like to hold onto those little mementos while others would rather not have to look at them everyday and be reminded of a horrible break-up or crumbling relationship or what have you.

And so what if she hates your guts? I hated my ex-boyfriend's guts for a good while, probably even while we were still together (Mind you, we did the break-up/make-up thing many, many times). There were plenty of occasions where I wanted to kick the shit out of him, just to know I could cause him pain, if only physical, because it seemed our break-up didn't cause him any emotional pain. And that really bothered me.. See, I told you I was crazy.

If she calls you, if she e-mails you, just to see how you're doing or to ask if you can return something of hers that you might have forgotten to give back, no, she is not stalking you. She is not trying to pry nor is she being nosy. Simple requests, simple attempts at trying to maintain some kind of platonic relationship can be blown wayyy out of proportion.

However, this does not mean I'm excusing the real crazies. Because they're out there. But boys, they're much fewer in number, I promise. And even if they are crazy, it's just a phase, which can easily be overcome with a new love interest, or some retail therapy.

Oh, and time. Forgot that one.

Ego

I hope I never turn into one of those people. Those arrogant, self-absorbed, naive, narcissistic, I'm-freaking-awesome-and-can-do-no-wrong people.

If I ever show signs of this behavior, please feel free to let me know. No joke.