In my twenty years, I have only had three boyfriends. I was never one of those girls who "dated" some boy in middle school, only to find him bland and overrated after a couple of weeks, with just a few awkward lunches under our belts and AOL Instant Messenger as our only means of communication. I hated that the aforementioned scenario was so common.
At an early age, I put a great deal of value in "love"--the word, its meaning, its application. Because of this, it bothered me so much to hear that word coming from the mouths of my naive 13- or 14-year-old peers, who thought its value was equal to that of the words "tree" or "restroom."
With all of that said, I've been in love twice.
My first was with someone two years my senior. I was 16. It began wonderfully enough, but by the end of it, my recollections more often than not included the words "ordeal," "burden" and you know the rest. It really should have ended much sooner than it did, but I was so intent on making it last, keeping us together, and trying to recapture whatever magic was left that I completely lost track of, well, my mind. Obviously, my attempts were futile, as we're now happily and perpetually separated. Which brings me to my next boyfriend.
With Hoan, things were very different. I'm not even sure if I should be talking about it here. But if I was to be completely and honestly true to myself, I would have to admit that he is the first guy I've ever found myself falling head-over-heels for. Is it silly to admit a thing like that? Maybe. I can't help it.
One of the reasons I love our relationship is that I find it to be extremely well-balanced. Any slight tipping of the metaphorical scale is quickly refuted with an open discussion, or just a straight up, "Let's fix this." I've never really been one for straightforwardness, but in his case, I'm making an exception. It definitely helps relationship-wise, which I'm sure is so blatantly obvious, but it took a lot of getting used to. Like I said, I'm not very straightforward. I can be very dodgy in trying to avoid conflicts. I'm also very secretive about my emotions. I'm also very passive. And I'm also getting used to not being this way anymore.
He's helping me.
